It was August 4, 2014. It had been confirmed a week earlier that what Fawn had suspected was true, she was pregnant. She was on vacation at the beach in Panama City, loving every moment, exhilarated at the news, having a blast. She even had a t-shirt airbrushed with the words Big Brother for two-year-old Valor.
And yet something didn't feel quite right. She felt especially hot during that week and wore out easily, but that was certainly to be expected in August on a beach in Florida in the first trimester of a pregnancy. But that night she knew. She was going to lose this baby. Her heart broken, she would later write these words: "How could I already love someone this much? A little ball of cells? And it hit me...this little one already had a soul."
A baby one month in her womb and she already felt a deep connection to this living being that had been held so closely to her heart over the past week. And so she grieved, crying out to God as she lay there on her bed, pleading with Him to let her know that He cared. "Jesus," she prayed, "You can come take this sweet baby if it needs to go home with you, but one thing I'm asking you is to let me feel your presence. I need to hear you, feel you, see you...something. "
Sometime during the very early morning hours as she drifted in and out of sleep she felt something sit down beside her, the bed caving in slightly. Still in and out of sleep, as if in a dream, she felt something lay over her. Warmth went through her, then arms wrapped themselves around her neck, hugging her for what seemed like several seconds. Then slowly rising, it brushed over her stomach and was gone.
"I started dreaming that mom was here with me" she writes, "And I called to her and asked, 'Mom, were you just in my room?' And I told her what had happened and I said, "Do you think I should be afraid?" And she said, 'No Fawn, that was Jesus. He came to visit you.'" When she opened her eyes that morning, she knew that her baby was gone.
Still overwhelmed by the encounter, in tears she concluded with this: "I want another baby and I believe God will bring one in His time. I will trust and wait. Until then, I will heal and be grateful forever that my Jesus answered my prayer and came to me. He feels like warmth, peace and perfect, pure love. His embrace can't be described. Had this not happened, I wouldn't have had this personal encounter with my Jesus. So while hurting, I am also in complete awe....I know because I can still feel it, that it was as real as can be. My Jesus loves me, and you and all of us. No matter what we are going through, he loves us and is always there."
A year later Fawn would hold a baby girl in her arms. She would call her Violet, a name she had loved and picked out for her daughter many years earlier. A perfect fit to her name, she is full of color and life and is a reminder that God makes all things right and beautiful in his time. In the meantime, there is another child that Fawn has not forgotten. Though she never got to hold that one in her arms, she believes that Jesus did, the night He carried her little one home.
And yet something didn't feel quite right. She felt especially hot during that week and wore out easily, but that was certainly to be expected in August on a beach in Florida in the first trimester of a pregnancy. But that night she knew. She was going to lose this baby. Her heart broken, she would later write these words: "How could I already love someone this much? A little ball of cells? And it hit me...this little one already had a soul."
A baby one month in her womb and she already felt a deep connection to this living being that had been held so closely to her heart over the past week. And so she grieved, crying out to God as she lay there on her bed, pleading with Him to let her know that He cared. "Jesus," she prayed, "You can come take this sweet baby if it needs to go home with you, but one thing I'm asking you is to let me feel your presence. I need to hear you, feel you, see you...something. "
Sometime during the very early morning hours as she drifted in and out of sleep she felt something sit down beside her, the bed caving in slightly. Still in and out of sleep, as if in a dream, she felt something lay over her. Warmth went through her, then arms wrapped themselves around her neck, hugging her for what seemed like several seconds. Then slowly rising, it brushed over her stomach and was gone.
"I started dreaming that mom was here with me" she writes, "And I called to her and asked, 'Mom, were you just in my room?' And I told her what had happened and I said, "Do you think I should be afraid?" And she said, 'No Fawn, that was Jesus. He came to visit you.'" When she opened her eyes that morning, she knew that her baby was gone.
Still overwhelmed by the encounter, in tears she concluded with this: "I want another baby and I believe God will bring one in His time. I will trust and wait. Until then, I will heal and be grateful forever that my Jesus answered my prayer and came to me. He feels like warmth, peace and perfect, pure love. His embrace can't be described. Had this not happened, I wouldn't have had this personal encounter with my Jesus. So while hurting, I am also in complete awe....I know because I can still feel it, that it was as real as can be. My Jesus loves me, and you and all of us. No matter what we are going through, he loves us and is always there."
A year later Fawn would hold a baby girl in her arms. She would call her Violet, a name she had loved and picked out for her daughter many years earlier. A perfect fit to her name, she is full of color and life and is a reminder that God makes all things right and beautiful in his time. In the meantime, there is another child that Fawn has not forgotten. Though she never got to hold that one in her arms, she believes that Jesus did, the night He carried her little one home.
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| Violet-- full of life and in purple |
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| The Woodfin Family |
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